And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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