I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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