I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
