do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just had sex bonerless
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
