hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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