you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
