i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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