just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
