So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
