dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
