return my video game
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
