So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
