Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
