Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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