Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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