Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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