Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
