what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
