You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
