Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
