Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
