I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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