I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
