Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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