I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
