Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
