He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
