I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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