So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
