so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
