I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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