I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
