I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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