So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
