My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
