shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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