I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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