I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
