At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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