you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
