I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
