Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
