Welp...herpes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
