Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
