Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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