So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
