awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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