remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just had sex on a roof
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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