I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
