saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
