he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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